Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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