you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
