Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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