If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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