what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just google imaged poop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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