If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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