What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
