we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize