i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
