apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize