I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
