Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
