Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
