I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize