I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
