Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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