she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
