Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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