Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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