:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
