Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
