I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
