No stitches, just platelets and will power
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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