I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
