there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
