ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
