So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
