i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
