This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
