absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
