she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
