what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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