Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
