I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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