First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
