watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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