I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize