I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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