arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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