Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
