i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
