It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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