Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(206): View more from Washington

Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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(210): View more from Texas

Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.

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(415): View more from California

Feeling better?

(720): View more from Colorado

I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.

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(585): View more from New York

I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???

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