Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
