i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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