I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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