If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
