I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
