and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
