Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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