and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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