Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
