see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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