Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
