get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
