Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
