that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
