i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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