Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
