I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize