Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
