i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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