I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
