I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
