I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
