you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
