Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
