He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
