I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize