Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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