and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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