Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
