Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
