who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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